Embracing the Gray

Have you ever seen a man or woman who is prematurely gray, with a head of white hair? My grandmother, Gogi (above) was 45 in this picture, but had been gray for fifteen years. Women of that era rarely colored their hair. For a woman today, embracing the gray can be beautiful, but it’s also a scary proposition. Only a few friends of mine have thrown away their hair color products, and they look simply stunning. But that’s only a few out of uh. . . .

I had been thinking of not coloring my hair, but got some resistance, especially from my younger daughter. My mother says she will never be gray; “it makes you look so much older.” She doesn’t remember her mother as anything but gray (Gogi actually had lovely white hair), and she herself starting going gray at a young age. So, mom decided she never wanted to appear older than she was, and therefore, I’ve never seen my mother’s natural hair color.

This past summer, still in a funk after losing our dog, Piccadilly, I didn’t feel like going to the trouble of coloring my hair. And then there was the feeling that I wanted to be more authentic. And coloring my hair meant putting chemicals onto my hair and skin and therefore into my body. I used semi-permanent color for several years (which washes out) and had graduated to a one-color process for the last 5 years or so. After five or six weeks, when the gray started coming in, I automatically made an appointment. I had no idea how gray I was or what my natural hair looked like.

I started testing the idea on friends. “I’ve been thinking of not coloring my hair anymore,” I’d say, and then wait for the reply, which was usually, “Really?” followed by their feelings about their own hair, why they color it and for how long they’ve been doing it. I’d hear about highlights and lowlights. They might ask about henna. And then they'd often share a story about a friend who decided not color her hair (really!).

Over the summer, I spent time at our Old Saybrook house. Life is relaxed up there. I saw some gray and simply ignored it. September approached and there was new gray growth, but it really wasn't that much. Then came the Jewish holidays, going to Temple and seeing family and friends. The gray was decidedly apparent toward the crown, but less so in the front, so if I pulled my hair back, barely noticeable. The weather was warm and I did just that. No big deal, right?

Come mid-October, we had a wedding. I didn’t cave. Now that Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's have come and gone, my hair has grown out about three inches but honestly, the gray is much less than I would have thought. I love going to the hairdresser just to get my hair cut. The gray is blending through my natural hair color--darker than the "color" I was getting—and I did it before there was a definite LINE. So, we’ll see. I reserve the right to go back to coloring my hair if I choose, but for now, I’m a natural woman.