Sunday, September 26, 2010

Ida's Mark


My dear friend Ida is 98 years old and lives in a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) in Redding, CT.

We first met in 1996 in the hallway at Sarah Neuman. I was with my then 5-year-old daughter, Kate, and Ida was coming from her husband's room. She spoke to Kate first, and we exchanged some pleasantries. After a few minutes, Kate came out with a response that just delighted Ida. We've been friends ever since.

For many years, Ida lived in a house in Pleasantville, and I would occasionally visit and take her to the local diner for lunch. She lived alone, as her husband had passed away soon after she and I met. Although she suffered hardships throughout life, Ida's optimistic disposition always found the positive take on any a situation. As the years unfolded, I learned that Ida's husband had suffered from depression and she had lost a child to lupus, a disease she herself suffers from. She's developed other ills, including macular degeneration, and had to give up needlepoint, a favorite pastime we both enjoyed.

One of Ida's favorite topics is her grandchildren, and she now has a six-year-old great grand-daughter as well. She is very proud of these young adults, and I've heard so much about them that I feel like part of the family. They visit her often and share a close bond. At the time, Ida's surviving daughter lived nearby, and the family kept in close contact. One day several years ago, Ida reported that she had fallen, fortunately with no major injuries. After the second fall about nine months later, when she blacked out and had to crawl back to the house, I suggested it was time for her to move into a facility where she wouldn't be alone. After much research and many visits, she moved into the facility where she still lives independently today.

It is no coincidence that Ida shares my grandmother's name. She's a present-day grandma to me, comforting and inspiring. One day, I took mom to meet Ida, and they, too, became fast friends. We visited regularly, either dining at her place or going out to a local restaurant. My dad joined us one time as well, and Ida got to know my family as I had hers.

As someone who does not have a particularly good memory, I am astounded by how sharp Ida is, always asking me about events I'd discussed on a previous visit. She has given me advice on a wide variety of issues, and we speak quite freely with one another. In the past few years, Ida has developed spinal stenosis, and finds that if she rides the stationary bike, it keeps the pain at bay. Can you imagine a 98-year-old riding a bike daily? Where she was once isolated, Ida now has lots of friends and enjoys her life. She is happy being in such a beautiful place with interesting people, and knows that if she needs more care, it is right there for her. In fact, she regularly visits people who are in the nursing part of the facility. It's not hard to see why she has lived such a long life, despite the challenges she's faced.

Ida is the quintessential role model of aging gracefully. Since my mother died, Ida has been like a guardian angel, sharing in my sadness and knowing how to give comfort. I know she misses mom too, and yet, when we are together, we talk about the present, what we are looking forward to, and how grateful we are. Ida has made her mark on me in the most profound way.