The Space Between Breaths

I have just finished reading Devotion, a memoir by Dani Shapiro. It is a story of her spiritual journey, and it could just as easily have been mine or yours. So often I felt myself nodding at her self-discoveries, Truths with a capital “T.”

We all grapple with finding that quiet space within ourselves, trying to find it over and over again. That, and not getting lost in the distraction of everyday living. It is my greatest challenge.

Why do I go weeks without posting on this blog? I don’t make the time to sit and write—it’s not my “job” or “profession.” So, I go from one airplane ride to the next train ride, having a period of an hour or two, suspended between two destinations, like that space between breaths. It is in that space I can give voice to what I have been experiencing.

We each find space in our own way, when we come to realize we crave that quiet, that opening. Whether sitting in meditation or communing with nature, it is the first step, the awakening, in the process of becoming more conscious.

Morphing Meditation

I don't know about you, but establishing a regular meditation practice is much harder than I thought it would be.

My first exposure to meditation was when I was in college. I worked part-time for a small company where one of the women did TM (transcendental meditation) daily. She told me how important it was for her sanity (she had two kids and a busy life). It sounded interesting, but a little weird.

Fast forward 20 years. As I became more interested in health and healing, I learned to meditate in workshops and yoga classes. I did it sporadically, and began to get more comfortable with it. During a 3-week trip to India in 2005, I meditated more. And I started to use meditation to relax when descending in airplanes (it helps with the nauseous feeling I sometimes get). The effect is always calming and centering.

A couple of years ago, after my Reiki Master class ended, several of us sat around talking. Here was a group of women interested in the use of healing energy who were spiritual and open to exploring the unseen. We decided to start a monthly meditation group, rotating homes each month, where the host would be responsible for the type of meditation (guided, walking, silent, etc.).

Today our group has expanded not only in number but also in the diversity of our activities. We continue to meet monthly for meditation, and several times a year we have speakers on a variety of topics. These have included sound healing, aromatherapy and the use of crystals. Just a few months ago, we started a walking group in the parks of Westchester (the Ward Pound Ridge Reservation, Rockefeller Preserve), which, due to the beautiful surroundings, is meditative as well.

Although my daily (let's say at least 5 days a week) meditation practice did not start until after the silent retreat in September, I can honestly say that those group meditations really helped me to "practice" the practice. My meditations are typically 10-25 minutes, and since doing them, my days begin in a calmer and more thoughtful way.

Can You Hear The Silence?

I had no expectations of a 5-day silent retreat, and no prior knowledge of Adyashanti. I didn’t even Google him before heading up to Omega. All I knew is that I craved the silence, and anything on top of that was gravy!

I met my roommate as I was walking to our cabin (when we could still speak). We introduced ourselves and felt a connection. As the week wore on, I realized how in sync we were. After a talkative dinner in the dining room, we headed to the opening session. From the start, Adya (as we came to call him) was open, honest, humble and had a great sense of humor. He spoke that first evening—no questions—and from that point on, the campus was in silence.

It wasn’t hard for me to be quiet. I found myself thinking, crying, writing in my journal and just being in the beauty at Omega. We were encouraged not to read or do things that would distract us from being with the silence. We had 2 satsangs (teaching sessions) with Adya every day, and the afternoon from 2-5pm was spent in 40-minute meditations with 30 minute breaks. I had never meditated so much, but found it easier when in a group. I didn’t understand everything that was discussed by Adya or the other participants, but it didn’t matter because we were all there with a common purpose, and I was there to learn and just experience what was going on.

It was easier to go later to meals and eat by myself than to be with a table full of people and not speak. I even avoided eye contact after an initial nod of the head when sitting down. Couples and good friends seemed to have the hardest time not speaking, and as the week wore on, the temptation became too great. At meals or on the grounds, it was not unusual to see some whispering, but we were regularly encouraged to keep the silence and go deeper.

I found myself taking a hike in the woods after the morning session and before lunch. Towards the end of the week, I wandered into the bookstore to look at Adya’s books as well as other offerings. But I also made my way up to the Sanctuary, a beautiful meditation space and koi pond. Sitting in the gardens around the campus, looking at the beautiful flowers and foliage, contributed to the sacredness of the experience.

When I got home, I started a meditation practice: at least 10 minutes a day. I’ve been pretty good about keeping it up. I hear that Adya is coming back next year for a 7-day silent retreat. There’s a good chance I’ll be there.